its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
