My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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