My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
