At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
