I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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