im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
