the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
