Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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