Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i dont even know how to be here
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize