just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
