Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
