I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
