he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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