Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Such a big mess for such a small penis
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
