guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
