We're like a lot better than the average bears
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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