First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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