Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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