you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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