no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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