the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
