my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
