I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
