i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
