Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
