this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
