Pants 0. Shit 1.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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