Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
