Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
