Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize