just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
NoShamevember. You game?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize