just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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