Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
