my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
