What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize