party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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