he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
