Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
