I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize