my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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