just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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