he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
