It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize