yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Rumble strips road head = magical
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have already put on my inside pants.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
