I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
