He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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