My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize