I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have demons in me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
