i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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