It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize