If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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