It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize