I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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