well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
