I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
