Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
