What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
