Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
