Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
