There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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