i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
