he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
