I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Panties = found
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize