I'm jealous of your bromance
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
