miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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