I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
