I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
