I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize