why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
