woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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