Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
