Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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