as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
