So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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