bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
