Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
