my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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