My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
