What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
