They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
