YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
