i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
