a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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