there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
