Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize