Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
