Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
