Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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