I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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