I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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