alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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