That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
