Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
