she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
