OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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