I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
