i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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