i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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